So I have pinpointed dairy as a major culprit in feeling bad. But I wanted to know how meat would affect it. I had some chicken yesterday and I have to be honest, I felt great. I had so much more energy than I've had in a while. Now, what does this mean as far as how I felt after praying? I have to say that Heavenly Father knows me better than myself. I had to eliminate everything in order to mentally be willing to accept not eating dairy. I tend to have an all or nothing personality, and so it was easier mentally for me to eliminate meat and dairy, and then experiment with adding them back in. I still don't want to eat meat all the time, but some chicken or fish here or there will be fine, and good for me I think. And my pain did not increase at all. Just my energy levels.

But it's still an adjustment. I can't accept that I will always be in pain to some degree. I have to believe that my body is in my control. That I can influence and change it for the better.

I have been trying to pin point a start of the pain. My doctor has said that she thinks I could have fibromyalgia. She has not committed to that enough to write it down on my chart however, just enough to give me Cymbalta. And since the arthritis I was so sure I had hasn't shown up on an x-ray I suppose she is probably right.

But I have suspected that it came last year, at the beginning of the summer. My back had felt good for a long time. I had been losing weight, and running and feeling good. My knee had been bothering me, but I felt and still do that it was from a result of too much too soon with running,and being overweight.

We offered a yoga class to the young women at church. I participated having  heard what great things yoga can do for you. But I left that night feeling horrible, and my back has hurt every since. And my other unassociated pains started around then. I won't go into a list of my aches and pains, cuz, BORING, so you'll just have to believe me.

But I still had a hard time believing that yoga could have been the trigger until I read this article. I'm not blaming yoga, I realize that I pushed myself too hard just to prove I could do it. And I wasnt' in the best shape. The article I read says that both of those things will make yoga a negative experience.

Fibromyalgia often starts with some sort of trauma, either mental or physical. There is no way to pin point it scientifically. I can only guess. But it seems likely, from my own personal timeline, that this was the start of it.

I now am sticking to walking and the eliptical. Running is out for me now. I'm not sure it will ever be back. And with fibro comes depression. As I told my doc, I wasn't sure if I was depressed because I was in pain, or if the pain was from depression. It's the chicken or the egg thing.

I just know that I have an unexpected journey to go on now. I am learning how much I took my body for granted. Even with a recurring back problem, I felt relatively healthy in most ways. But when your big toe starts hurting when you stand on tip toes to reach for something, or when your wrist gives out as you're taking something out of the oven, or your hips hurt so bad that you walk like a 90 year old woman, you start to realize how much better it was before.

I have faith that I will be healthy again. I am trying to be patient with myself and treat my body gently. But if you know me, you know that patience is not one of my virtues. Oh well. I guess it will be! ha ha.

You want motivation? Watch the Biggest Loser. Seriously. If these people can do it, then what the heck is my problem?

Oh yeah, it's been excuses. Well, this year is the year of no excuses. It's funny because I didn't know that the Biggest Loser's theme this year was also No Excuses. Imagine that. Not a coincidence I don't think. It's fate.

One month

It's been a month. A month without meat. A month without cheeseballs, lasagna, and all sorts of good things. And I feel good. I wasn't sure that the vegan diet was doing that much until I ate some dairy last Thursday. I had two cupcakes with buttercream frosting, and then I had cheese pizza for dinner. I don't know why. I think I just wanted to test and see if anything would happen. Well, IT DID! I was so sick Thursday night. Sick to my stomach. Feeling bloated and awful. Then Friday, I hurt so bad. Much worse than normal. And I hurt everywhere. It was not fun. But it was good for me to see what a difference dairy makes. I have not hurt that bad since I started eating mainly vegan. It was quite shocking actually. It goes to show that HEavenly Father knows the answers to all my questions, dilemmas, problems, etc. If I will just listen to the promptings he gives me, and follow them, I will be blessed. And I have been. I just didn't realize how much until I fell off the vegan wagon for a day.

But now I need to take it a step further and follow the other part of my answer to prayer., And that is sugar. I know, right? Sugar is the lifeblood of this gal. I love it, crave it, and rationalize it all the time. But I decided that I am leaving white sugar behind in 2011. 2012 is a sugar free year for me. I will have maple syrup, honey and agave, which I know are types of sugar, but they're natural, and I can't put them in a chocolate chip cookie. And I don't think maple syrup on top of a chocolate cake would do it for me. So a little agave in my smoothie, some raw honey on a piece of bread made from wheat I grind myself, and maple syrup on whole wheat pancakes occasionally, will be ok. But I'm nervous. I asked Jeff if he thought I could go without white sugar for a whole year, and he laughed.

I know. I understand his scepticism. I love treats. It does help that so many have butter and eggs, so I couldn't eat them anyway. I will let you know how this all goes. It would seem to many that I have taken the fun out of eating. But I look at it more like, I have found a way to help my body feel it's best and not hurt. And believe me, that is worth way more than a cupcake or or piece of cheese pizza.

Happy New Year!