So I have pinpointed dairy as a major culprit in feeling bad. But I wanted to know how meat would affect it. I had some chicken yesterday and I have to be honest, I felt great. I had so much more energy than I've had in a while. Now, what does this mean as far as how I felt after praying? I have to say that Heavenly Father knows me better than myself. I had to eliminate everything in order to mentally be willing to accept not eating dairy. I tend to have an all or nothing personality, and so it was easier mentally for me to eliminate meat and dairy, and then experiment with adding them back in. I still don't want to eat meat all the time, but some chicken or fish here or there will be fine, and good for me I think. And my pain did not increase at all. Just my energy levels.

But it's still an adjustment. I can't accept that I will always be in pain to some degree. I have to believe that my body is in my control. That I can influence and change it for the better.

I have been trying to pin point a start of the pain. My doctor has said that she thinks I could have fibromyalgia. She has not committed to that enough to write it down on my chart however, just enough to give me Cymbalta. And since the arthritis I was so sure I had hasn't shown up on an x-ray I suppose she is probably right.

But I have suspected that it came last year, at the beginning of the summer. My back had felt good for a long time. I had been losing weight, and running and feeling good. My knee had been bothering me, but I felt and still do that it was from a result of too much too soon with running,and being overweight.

We offered a yoga class to the young women at church. I participated having  heard what great things yoga can do for you. But I left that night feeling horrible, and my back has hurt every since. And my other unassociated pains started around then. I won't go into a list of my aches and pains, cuz, BORING, so you'll just have to believe me.

But I still had a hard time believing that yoga could have been the trigger until I read this article. I'm not blaming yoga, I realize that I pushed myself too hard just to prove I could do it. And I wasnt' in the best shape. The article I read says that both of those things will make yoga a negative experience.

Fibromyalgia often starts with some sort of trauma, either mental or physical. There is no way to pin point it scientifically. I can only guess. But it seems likely, from my own personal timeline, that this was the start of it.

I now am sticking to walking and the eliptical. Running is out for me now. I'm not sure it will ever be back. And with fibro comes depression. As I told my doc, I wasn't sure if I was depressed because I was in pain, or if the pain was from depression. It's the chicken or the egg thing.

I just know that I have an unexpected journey to go on now. I am learning how much I took my body for granted. Even with a recurring back problem, I felt relatively healthy in most ways. But when your big toe starts hurting when you stand on tip toes to reach for something, or when your wrist gives out as you're taking something out of the oven, or your hips hurt so bad that you walk like a 90 year old woman, you start to realize how much better it was before.

I have faith that I will be healthy again. I am trying to be patient with myself and treat my body gently. But if you know me, you know that patience is not one of my virtues. Oh well. I guess it will be! ha ha.

You want motivation? Watch the Biggest Loser. Seriously. If these people can do it, then what the heck is my problem?

Oh yeah, it's been excuses. Well, this year is the year of no excuses. It's funny because I didn't know that the Biggest Loser's theme this year was also No Excuses. Imagine that. Not a coincidence I don't think. It's fate.

One month

It's been a month. A month without meat. A month without cheeseballs, lasagna, and all sorts of good things. And I feel good. I wasn't sure that the vegan diet was doing that much until I ate some dairy last Thursday. I had two cupcakes with buttercream frosting, and then I had cheese pizza for dinner. I don't know why. I think I just wanted to test and see if anything would happen. Well, IT DID! I was so sick Thursday night. Sick to my stomach. Feeling bloated and awful. Then Friday, I hurt so bad. Much worse than normal. And I hurt everywhere. It was not fun. But it was good for me to see what a difference dairy makes. I have not hurt that bad since I started eating mainly vegan. It was quite shocking actually. It goes to show that HEavenly Father knows the answers to all my questions, dilemmas, problems, etc. If I will just listen to the promptings he gives me, and follow them, I will be blessed. And I have been. I just didn't realize how much until I fell off the vegan wagon for a day.

But now I need to take it a step further and follow the other part of my answer to prayer., And that is sugar. I know, right? Sugar is the lifeblood of this gal. I love it, crave it, and rationalize it all the time. But I decided that I am leaving white sugar behind in 2011. 2012 is a sugar free year for me. I will have maple syrup, honey and agave, which I know are types of sugar, but they're natural, and I can't put them in a chocolate chip cookie. And I don't think maple syrup on top of a chocolate cake would do it for me. So a little agave in my smoothie, some raw honey on a piece of bread made from wheat I grind myself, and maple syrup on whole wheat pancakes occasionally, will be ok. But I'm nervous. I asked Jeff if he thought I could go without white sugar for a whole year, and he laughed.

I know. I understand his scepticism. I love treats. It does help that so many have butter and eggs, so I couldn't eat them anyway. I will let you know how this all goes. It would seem to many that I have taken the fun out of eating. But I look at it more like, I have found a way to help my body feel it's best and not hurt. And believe me, that is worth way more than a cupcake or or piece of cheese pizza.

Happy New Year!

Day 12

I have been eating mainly vegan for 12 days now. I did have a brownie with some frosting, NOT vegan, but it is a work in progress, and it has been the only thing in 12 days.

Because I can't go shopping until tomorrow, I am short on options for food. But smoothies I have had in abundance, and veggie "chicken" patties have been a life saver.

I did finally weigh myself, more out of curiosity than anything, and I've lost 4 pounds. That's a nice bonus, but again, not the reason for any of this.

My biggest challenge is figuring out my part of Christmas dinners. Christmas eve is chinese, I can easily do tofu and rice, Christmas day my little family wants ham, I can just not eat the ham I guess, and then day after Christmas, I don't know what the menu is, but I will just naturally prepare something that I can eat.

I am starting to miss meat a little. Not red meat or pork. The thought of either of those makes me a little nauseous. But some chicken would be nice. I need to try tempeh, I've heard it can be a nice substitute. This is just a whole new world to me. I will get it eventually. It's just a work in progress.

Remember when Scott said "You're a Vegan? Is that like a Pegan?" at Kate's blessing?

How long has this thing been around, anyway? My first post? Maybe. I'm not sure.

But I'm Teresa, Amy. And I mainly eat vegetarian.

When we came back to Saudi this year, Peter has just read the Born to Run book, and wanted to eat more like that. Beans, beans, and beans. So I was willing to give it my best. It has now been three months and I bought chicken to cook for my family for the first time since then - yesterday.

Being a vegetarian is very tricky living in the middle east. The produce is about as scary as eating meat; I have no idea what pesticides are used. There aren't regulations. But I do my best.

When I say we eat mainly vegetarian, it means that twice a month or so we eat meat at home. I'm not strict with the kids, and when we travel we eat what we can get. But it's been weird to see how I really don't like the taste of meat anymore. Really. In France I bought a LOT of pork products, because we can't get them here and my family loves them. I ate hardly any. I'll cook it, but a bite or two and I'm out. Even bacon, which I dream of, just doesn't taste like it used to to me.

I bought chicken because my family's favorite meal is a chinese chicken meal, PonPon chicken. I figured they've been SO good about going along with this that they deserve a break. I actually made mine with tofu, which I use quite often. (when I can find it! I bought all they had last time it was in.)

We eat a lot of lentils, beans, veggies, etc. I found a great (vegan actually) replacement product for ground pork. It's all they had here. (and it's gone now - and I used my last box, sad) But I put that in lasagne sometimes. Or I make stuffed shells with a really chunky veggie sauce of zuchinni, cauliflower, onions, carrots tomatoes. The kids haven't hardly said a word. At first they did though. But we explained more about our feelings of the word of wisom, and then the effects of huge animal farms on the environment, etc. They understood, and we move on.

Now I'll be honest. I have NO IDEA how you do vegan though. Cheese and dairy are my go to. A big reason for this is due to nut allergies, we can't get protien from there because of Simon. I guess I could try it, but I don't think I could feed my family that way yet.

Anyway. Good for you. I understand not telling anyone. I haven't told anyone. No one. It's a personal choice. And when we're with others, or there is nothing else to eat, we eat as little meat as we can. I don't want this to be a burden on others, because of a choice we made. One time we had the missionaries to dinner is Orem, ONCE, because you just can't get them there. I tell my kids you have to try everything, because you have to eat what you're served on your mission. Well, this one missionary sits down to a giant pan of lasagne. Homemade, like 20 pounds. Beef, pork and cheese. He looks at me and says, "I don't eat red meat." I could have strangled him. Really. First of all, you should have told us in advance. Put it on the calendar they pass around or something. Second, when someone offers something - you eat it. Third, nice way to be a crappy example to my kids! He asked if I had any chicken or anything. Allergies are one thing. Outright preference is another.

So we are flexible vegetarians. There, that's a good way to sum up how we live. We had turkey on Thanksgiving, the only meat since France. Who knows which way we will go from here. It's hard to eat healthy with such few options here. The only whole wheat pasta I can get is rigatoni. So for lasagne I make a layered bake. I make indian dahl with brown rice, and we all love it. Canned beans are our friends - I need to learn how to cook more with beans.

Anyway. Best of luck to you. Peter has lost nearly 20 pounds since this adventure, and I've lost 14. Not just eating this way, but making an effort to make better choices and live a healthier life all the way around. Good luck!

Have you hugged your vegan today?

So, I've had some personal revelation concerning my diet. It has come about, not because of a desire to lose weight, but because of a desire to be healthy and well and to not hurt anymore. I want to ween myself off of the medication I'm on, and to feel whole.

With a lot of prayer, I came to the distinct feeling that I should eat a vegan diet. I know, right?!!! I initially was extremely nervous about such a thing, as I have been a dairy/meat eater my whole life. But after a priesthood blessing from Jeff, I felt strengthened and filled with the knowledge that this was the right direction for me, and that I would be successful and find relief from my pain. My desire to keep this private has kept me from telling anyone but Maile. But I felt safe here since only about 4 people read this, and I trust all of you.

Why would I keep this private? Oh, because of the many ideas people have about vegan stuff. It is tainted with ideas of hippies, animal rights activists, and such. I have no problem with animals being used as food. Or of the wearing of leather shoes. None of my decision to do this had to do with any of that. It is purely for health. So how has it been so far? Well, I am on day 7. And the first thing I noticed was that I can breathe through both of my nostrils freely. My left side has been slightly stuffy for years now. But around day 3 I noticed I could breathe through it even with the right side plugged. I used to joke to myself that I would suffocated if anyone clamped the right side of my nose shut. But no more!

As far as pain, it is too soon to tell. Plus I am still taking Cymbalta. But I feel that in a month I will have a better indication of what the outcome will be. It is important to say that I am also not eating processed sugar or grains either. It seems silly to omit animal products and to eat so many fruits and vegetables and legumes, only to put sugar on my cereal or have white bread for lunch.

And weight loss? I have no idea. I am not weighing myself yet. I am giving my body time to adjust to the changes. I can say that my clothes feel looser, but that may just be because of water at this point.

I feel sharper mentally, and I am not as tired. Those are some immediate benefits. Now I am not saying everyone should do this. I am only telling what I'm doing, and how it's making me feel. I do feel that it falls more in line with the Word of Wisdom, but that is my own feelings on it. Jeff doesn't necessarily agree with me on that point. And that is ok.

I am trying to get used to thinking of myself as a vegan. It is a weird thing, and I shy away from it still. But then I go back to the confirmation I had that this will be good for my body, and I again try and say, "I'm a vegan."

I don't want to say it's only been a week, things could change. I don't want it to change. Maybe I will say instead, that I try and stick mainly to a vegan diet. That feels better. Because I'm not vegan because of a moral viewpoint, so strictness is not really the goal. It's a general attitude towards healing my body and feeling better.

Ok, so what have I been eating? That's what Jeff wanted to know. Is it all salads? No way man.

For breakfast today I had a smoothie that had cherries, strawberries, bananas, celery, spinach and carrots. Henry, Nora and Anne Marie had it too and loved it. I have some sprouted grain toast with smart balance and raw honey on it. Super good!

For lunch yesterday I had a veggie pizza, minus cheese. Super yummy as well. It had sweet garlic and artichoke on it.

For dinner the night before I had  thai peanut tofu, and coconut jasmine rice. I made it at home. Yummy!

I've also made eggplant parmesan, minus the parmesan. That was not a hit with the family. I still am learning, so my eggplant was underdone. But it will get better.

People wonder about protein. Well, beans and tofu have protein, but so do fruits and vegetables. If you eat enough of them you don't need a lot of extra protein. If all I ate was bread and cereal every day, then yes I might be missing some protein. But I have whole grain wraps with wild rice and beans and lots of veggies on them. And they're good!

I actually haven't had one salad by itself for a meal yet. I've had it as a side. But I really don't feel that I'm missing out on anything. I even made cookies. Some of my kids liked them, and some prefer not to have pureed beans in place of their butter. But that's ok. I will still make them regular cookies and dinners. I'm not forcing this on my family either. If they want what I'm eating, then I will happily share.

Anyway, that is it. I have had quite a journey in my adulthood at finding a balance with food in my life. This feels the closest to ideal for me of anything I've tried. I've never loved meat. I've eaten it, but in the past 10 years, mostly out of guilt because I was told I should have certain amounts of protein. I like chicken or hamburger occasionally, but I didn't start to eat meat on even a weekly basis until I married Jeff. Growing up we had meat with every meal, but once I started cooking for myself, I ate primarily baked potatoes and salads for dinner. So this feels like me. Even Tosca Reno's eat clean diet has a vegan section. So woohoo! Cuz I do love that gal!

I even hesitate to push publish on this one because I know how I am occasionally viewed. I view myself like that as well. And what is that? Oh, changes her mind, always trying something else, likes new fads, jumps on any ol' bandwagon, always looking for the next thing with food. And that has been true, when it was all about losing weight. But that is not the case currently. Yes, losing weight will be a nice bonus, but I really want freedom from painful elbows, a stiff neck, sore lower back, CONSTANTLY sore/hurting shoulder, achy quads, and knee pain. I have arthritis. I don't know what kind, but I know that it has progressively been getting worse, and unless I want to not be able to walk in 20 years, or to be on a daily regimine of prescription pills, then I have to change what I'm eating.

So there you go. I am Amy, and I try to stick to a mainly vegan diet. The end.